In a recent study, researchers discovered that having too much self-control is like a double-edge sword.
HIGHLIGHTS:
- The study explores two approaches to handling life – one focused on strong self-control and planning, the other more carefree and spontaneous.
- While having a dominant style isn’t inherently good or bad, the study reveals that excessive self-control or lack thereof can become problematic when factors make individuals less flexible in adapting to different situations.
- Under-controlled individuals may struggle with managing emotions, leading to unpredictable behavior. Therapies help them regulate emotions and gain more self-control. Overcontrolled individuals may find it hard to adapt to change, leading to potential loneliness and mental health issues. Most existing therapies, focused on improving self-control, may not be suitable for overcontrolled individuals.
- Identifying highly overcontrolled individuals is challenging, with current assessments being long and complex. Efforts are underway to develop a simpler identification method to facilitate faster support.
- It’s emphasized that these are complex concepts, and individuals suspecting they may be dealing with these issues should reach out to a doctor or therapist for professional assistance, as self-diagnosis is not recommended.
Imagine you have two ways of dealing with life – one where you’re super good at controlling yourself and always have a plan, and another where you’re more carefree and go with the flow.
This study is about these two ways, and how being too good at controlling yourself might sometimes not be good for your mental health.
A professor named Thomas Lynch had a theory in 2018, saying people tend to lean more towards being super good at controlling themselves or being more carefree.
It’s like a personality style, and it depends on things like your genes, how people around you react to your behavior, your life experiences and how you cope with things in your everyday life.
Having one of these styles isn’t necessarily good or bad, because most of us can adapt to different situations. But sometimes, being too good at controlling yourself or not controlling yourself enough can become a problem.
This usually happens when a bunch of factors make us less flexible.
If you are not good at controlling yourself (undercontrolled), you might struggle to manage your emotions and your behavior can be unpredictable.
This can cause issues in relationships, work and health. There are therapies to help people who are undercontrolled learn to regulate their emotions and gain more self-control.
On the other hand, if you are too good at controlling yourself (overcontrolled), it might be hard to adapt to change. You might struggle with new experiences, be very set in your ways and have trouble having fun in social situations.
This can lead to feelings of loneliness and affect your mental health. The tricky part is, most therapies focus on improving self-control, but overcontrolled people already control too much.
There is a therapy called radically open dialectical behavior therapy that was developed to help overcontrolled people.
It teaches them to let go of the need to always be in control, be more open about their emotions, communicate better and be more flexible. Early studies show it could help people with various mental health conditions.
The challenge is, it’s not easy to identify if someone is highly overcontrolled, and the current assessments are long and complex.
The author is working on making a simpler way to identify overcontrol, which can help people get the right support faster.
It’s essential to remember that these are complex concepts, and if someone thinks they might be dealing with this, they should reach out to a doctor or therapist for help. It’s not something you can diagnose on your own.
Ways Not To Be Too Controlling In Situations
These are some practical tips on how to avoid being overly controlling in different situations:
Stay Present with Mindfulness – When dealing with situations, try to stay in the moment and be aware of your thoughts and feelings.
This mindfulness approach helps you handle things more clearly and openly without feeling the need to control everything.
While at it, be flexible and go with the flow. That is, understand that not everything can be perfectly planned or controlled. Embrace the unpredictability of life, and be open to adapting when unexpected changes happen.
This approach can reduce stress and help you stay chill.
Trust Others and Share Responsibilities – Learn to trust your peers and let them take charge of certain tasks or decisions. Collaborating and sharing responsibilities eases the pressure of trying to control every detail on your own.
Make sure to keep expectations realistic. Just avoid setting impossibly high standards for yourself and those around you.
Know that perfection is hard to achieve, so accept that imperfections are part of the journey. It leads to a healthier mindset and less need for control.
Take Care of Your Well-being – Prioritize your mental and physical health. When you make self-care a priority, you are less likely to feel overwhelmed, reducing the urge to control everything as a way of coping.
While at it, encourage honest communication.
More so, allow others to express their thoughts and ideas, promoting collaboration over a dominating approach.
Don’t forget to understand your limits by realizing that there are boundaries to control in any situation. Accepting that you can’t control every detail allows you to focus on the aspects you can positively influence.
Learn from Mistakes and Grow – See mistakes and failures as opportunities to learn and grow instead of reasons to tighten your grip. Embrace a mindset of learning, which can reduce the fear of unexpected outcomes.
Also, recognize that aiming for perfection often leads to excessive control. Give yourself room for imperfections, acknowledging them as a natural part of the learning and improvement process.
While at it, actively seek feedback from others about your behavior. External perspectives can offer insights into areas where you might be overly controlling and help you make positive adjustments.
Relax with Techniques like Deep Breathing – Incorporate relaxation techniques into your routine, such as deep breathing, meditation or yoga.
These practices are great for managing stress and anxiety, reducing the inclination to control everything when emotions run high.
More importantly, concentrate on aspects you can control and positively influence. Shifting your energy toward actionable steps allows for a more constructive approach, avoiding unnecessary control over things beyond your reach.
Keep in mind that letting go of excessive control is a process and being self-aware is key. These strategies can help you develop a healthier and more balanced approach in different situations